I'm not the kind of affectionate person, so I guess I don't really say I love my friends and all, and I don't call someone my best friend before I know that they really are. So today I have been thinking about all my friends in uni and realize how hard it is to fit in, I don't actually know why, but I kinda dislike myself for being, you know, not being able to make friends easily. I do have a lot of friends, but I don't feel the feeling of having the friends that you know will be here 24/7. And this is also why, the #foreveralone hashtag applies to me, all the time.
And I realize I might not be the nicest person ever, and I don't try to be, because I want my friends to like me as who I am but I guess it isn't easy, because for me, everyone is annoying at some point, but it depends on to what extent and how frequent.
I have been a bit grumpy today because I only slept for about 2 hours, and when I'm grumpy I started thinking again, and these kinds of unimportant thoughts come, and everything just seems to become a big deal even though it is not. But I took a nap and felt better after doing so, and I guess, this might sounds really cheesy and corny and irrelevant and idiotic but kpop does help me a lot in living, I guess it's the only thing that keeps me going, it's a lot of distractions but I'm just writing this out because everyone seems to see me as this freak who stalks korean celebrities 24/7 but more than anything else, Kpop helped me a lot, especially in my tough first year in university. Most of the people have at least someone they can lean to, friends, lovers, family, but I have barely have any, and not to mention I'm an introverted person when it comes to ~letting out my feelings~ and ~discussing my problems~
So I lean to kpop, this is kind of my entertainment, the place where I can escape from real life, and I can't say anything to change your opinion, but it is not nice being judged when you don't even know the backgrounds and reasons for someone in doing so, just put up with me.
I just wanna save myself.
Oh before I go, you might wanna be careful of this (I should too)
Too many thoughts will kill you.
